Snippet #2

[sinandcinnamon]

allyndra asked me for "Xander/Oz or Xander/Riley? Prompt: admit"


Xander's hip shut the door behind him as he brought the groceries into the kitchen. Riley was on the phone, so he was considerately quiet as he put things away, not even trying to pretend he wasn't eavesdropping. Mentions of plans for leave had him raising his brows - Xander was pretty sure Riley was the only member of the Initiative that had chosen to stay behind in Sunnydale, and last he'd heard, there wasn't a whole lot of leave included with unemployment. He stayed, leaning against the counter once everything but the lube was put away, unsurprised when Riley didn't immediately make eye contact after he'd hung up the phone.

"Can't make it back this time, huh?" he challenged. It wasn't really his business. Just because they were living together didn't mean Xander was entitled to know why Riley was lying to his parents... but that wasn't gonna stop him from asking. The look Riley shot him was laced with shame and vulnerability underneath the annoyance. Xander's voice softened into something with more compassion. "They don't know?"

"Don't know I'm a fuck up?" Riley shook his head. "It's better this way."

Xander didn't bother giving voice to the denial inside, knowing from experience that he didn't want to hear it. Riley carried so much guilt over what had gone down, the ones he'd lost, and any attempts to cast it into perspective were seen as a betrayal of the lessons he'd learned, the memories he carried. Xander was no stranger to self-loathing, but Riley took it to a whole new level and refused to be budged.

"You don't know," Riley said, his voice strained. Xander slid down to sit next to him, recognizing this as one of those moments when his words couldn't help, and hoping the nearness would offer some comfort. "They're so proud of me. They're always telling me, telling the whole town. They still think I'm serving my country and earning my degree, making something of myself. I never even told them what we were doing here, we all had to sign it away when we were chosen for the project. How do I start admitting the truth when the lies go back so long?" There was a yearning in his voice, such obvious desire for the slate to be wiped clean, as if he could shed the ugliness of the last year if he just figured out how to pierce the web of dishonesty he was caught in. He fell silent, and Xander hesitated, then laid his hand over Riley's. Simple contact, no illusions of answers. This wasn't something he could help with; Riley would face it when he was ready (and Xander had no doubts that it was when and not if) and would have to do it on his own.

But Xander would be there. Side by side, hand in hand, whatever the fallout.


I hope that was not too sad for a Friday morning. I really had to work to pull a happyish ending into it because what my brain really wanted was to break Xander's heart :( Anyhow! No heart breakage, so that's a good thing.


First to comment, please leave a pairing/prompt, and I will come up with something :)

Comments

[allyndra.livejournal.com]

I don't want to be rude and grabby, so let's see if another commenter wants to prompt you this time. (If not, I'll continue to use you as my personal fic-genie. *cackles evilly*)

But! I didn't want to wait for someone else to comment to tell you that I love this. In a convergence of great minds, I wrote Riley with some similar concerns in a gen/pre-slash fic a while ago, and I really appreciate the way you handle his fears and doubts. It's so common for fic to gloss over these kind of problems, as though the perfect words of encouragement or healing sex will make it all better; your Xander is too wise to fall for that kind of thinking. I like the warm domesticity of this, despite the angsty subject matter. I really believe this Xander and Riley are in a relationship and at least working at keeping it going long term. (Which, frankly, puts them one up on Riley's canon relationship with Buffy.)

Thank you for writing this! It's lovely.

[sinandcinnamon]

I perhaps did not take my small readership into account when planning this venture... *abashed* Please feel free to rub the lamp again! Though of course you are free to pass if/when you get tired of prompting, heh.

I have a lot of respect for Riley and feel like his character development was sacrificed for the greater good of the show - which, you know, show so I can't complain too much. It's really nice to be able to go back in and write some of it because of that.

In my mind, Xander and Riley are still getting used to one another here, so Xander is not so much wise, maybe, as learning what the right and wrong responses are. He's got a bit of maturity, and they're comfortable enough with each other that he doesn't feel the need to cover up the lack of solution with witty comments... he's learning that just being there can be enough sometimes, even if it doesn't actually fix what's wrong. Very glad you liked it - I wasn't sure it really fit the nature of your request :) so good to know it still worked for you.

[psychocountessa.livejournal.com]

Um can I sorta kinda count as a first commenter...or at least first runner up?

Anyway, I really liked this, I was sort of expecting something else from that prompt but this was different and thoughtful. So, Yay!

And let's say that I did get the privilege of asking for a ficlet-snippet-dingle hopper-thingie(yes I went little mermaid on you for a second.)

I'd have to go Angel-Xander and for the prompt either smell or acceptance

cheers!

[sinandcinnamon]

Yay, runner-up! Yours is the first request, so I'll get to work on a little something for ya.

The prompt, yes! I think it probably should have been one/both of the boys admitting to liking the other, but my brain just latched onto Riley's post-Initiative mess and wouldn't let go. Glad you still enjoyed it :)